end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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