seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
