i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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