My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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