So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
