She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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