Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
