Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
