The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
