planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
