Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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