You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
