omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
