kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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