Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
