and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
