Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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