Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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