I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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