so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
