You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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