yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
