dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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