I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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