Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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