Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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