dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
