to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
