How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
