i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
