Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
