i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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