As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
