Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
