its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
