...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Green mimosas i think yes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
