I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
