He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
