Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
