i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
