i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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