She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
