I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
