...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
