I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
