your parents love me but you hate me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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