she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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