hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
