Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
