I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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