I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
