Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
