Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
