dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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