so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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