let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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