Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
