your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i out mim tonsoeep
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