that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
