i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
