The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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