Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
