I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
