i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
