If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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