I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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