I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
