Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
