READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
